Signs of Abuse
Life Skills International
Life Skills International World Headquarters
651 Chambers Road - Suite 203
Aurora, CO 80011
Do any of the following statements sound familiar?
· There is blaming, cursing, or name calling.
· One person controls the finances.
· There is control of outside interests and friendships.
· I see a “Jekyll/Hyde” personality.
· I make excuses for their behavior.
· Sex is not a “mutual” agreement.
· Household responsibilities are not shared.
· There was violence in our families while growing up.
· There are mind games, hostile humor, and/or put downs in public.
· I cannot express my own opinion.
· I have trouble communicating.
· I live in fear.
· I have unrealistic expectations for myself and others.
· I feel isolated from my friends and family.
· One person makes all the decisions.
· I feel intimidated by looks, actions, and/or voice tone.
· They threaten suicide or to leave me.
· There is undue jealousy of my friends, family, and/or my time.
· There is destruction of my personal property and/or abuse of pets.
· My children are being used against me in any way possible.
· I feel angry, on edge, depressed, trapped, and/or suicidal.
· I find myself yelling at others, especially those I love.
· I have been a victim of verbal, sexual, and/or physical abuse.
· I feel alone with absolutely no one to confide in.
· I struggle with feeling rejected.
· There is no respect for privacy in our home.
· Whenever I share things, it’s eventually used against me.
· I am constantly guessing what is wrong or what I did.
· My partner/friend seems to tune me out and never really communicates with me.
Consider this scenario:
Your partner claims to love you, yet often "puts you down" in public. Your partner does not seem to value your opinion or feelings. When you want to do something special, your partner is unavailable, but will later demand all of your time and attention. When you express unhappiness at certain actions, you are told,
"This is just the way I am, and if you love me you will understand and accept it."
Is this abuse, or just the normal personality differences for which people must make allowances?
Most people would just convince themselves that they need to accept the abusive behavior, "love and understand" the abuser, and just go on with their lives. But we are learning that abuse can take many forms. Most of us will recognize the obvious signs of abuse, such as hitting or beating. More subtle forms of abuse, which can be as damaging as physical violence, are often overlooked, such as verbal and emotional abuse.
"If only I were a better person ... smarter or better looking ..."
"If only I was a better cook or cleaned the house better ... "
"If I only handled the children better ..."
"If only ..."
Most people continue to believe that it is their fault they are abused. "If only ..." feverishly sweeps the mind of the one being abused. They are convinced their actions are provoking the abuser and it can be controlled, if only …
The first thing to realize is that the abuse is not your fault. There is no justification for abusing another person, whether physically, sexually, emotionally, or verbally. The abuser needs help. The abusive behavior is not to be excused.
Know the 7 Deadly Signs and the red flags of abuse in a relationship, and exercise your options. There are ways out of this kind of situation. Personalize the conviction that you do not have to tolerate abusive behavior.
WHAT IS ABUSE
Physical Abuse: Any touch not given in love, respect, and dignity.
Emotional Abuse: Any communication, admonition, reprimand, or reproof that does not uplift, edify, or bring conflict resolution.
Are you aware that there are 21 forms of abuse? Some forms of abuse are so subtle that people accept them as normal. All forms of abuse are devastating and destroy individuals and their relationships.
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO YOU ARE, ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY!
CALL US … WE’VE BEEN THERE!